[LTD-Tayseri-Peanut Gallery] Clusterfrak

"Tea? Aww, thank you." Alex said greatfully as he grabed the cup.
"Work huh? Well, the long and short of it is that someone in the mayors office had the bright idea of sending some unfortunate sod to work with our "Alien friends", no offense anyone who over hears that, to work out a mutually beneficial arrangement"
Alex took a sip of his tea.
"So yeah. Because the office had some weird idea that I communicated with aliens and people on the citadel often, and they got the idea by looking at my internet history, I'm stuck on here for the next few weeks."
Alex sighed.
"By the way, I don't know where you got that drell friend of yours, though I think I can guess, she's layed some serious smackdown on two turians on the way here."
Aught to get around to interviewing her at somepoint...

"The mustache thing that your earth counterpart mentioned. It's an earth cop thing. In my opinion, it's so that they can give each other mustache rides." Snow telling Cavallius, snickering at the earth cop bitching about the lizard tech getting jumped in the alley. Watching both Randall and the two rats with wary interest as he finished his third glass of water. The excessive heat, the unexpected visitors, which included a Co-op leg-breaker, a know it all drell, and now the same jackass who sang about Shepard, badly. The cumulative effect resulted in Snow's stone hard expression on becoming more pronounced as he walked over to where the drell was working, taking her measure for a moment before turning his attention back to Randall,

"So, if the space is satisfactory Randall, you can finish your drink, say goodbye, and get the fuck out."

The kids were still sticking to Dante.
"Come on, just kick his ass! Like Dirk Black!"
"Or Blastro! No rules, just you and justice! That would be awesome!"

Alien friends… "I've had to help coordinate things between here and a department on Earth… You're one of the officers coming to help?" In all the Citadel and he ended up in the same place as one of the officers who had made his job extremely frustrating the last… "Wait, you're not the one I've had to talk to the past few days about this, are you?" he said to Mombasa. Great, they hadn't gotten along at ALL.

His building temper from the situation, not helped at all by the kids crowding him, was getting too much for his patience. "Okay, what the hell are you two doing? Can you please back off?" he snapped at the kids, trying to get them away to get a little of his personal space back. "I'm not kicking anyone's ass today, so you can get that out of your heads right now. I'm not Dirk Black, I'm not Blasto, I'm just a cop," he sighed in frustration. This was too much for him. He'd come down here to talk about business, not get harassed by two kids about getting in fights with people he had no reason to. His mandibles pressed tight against his face, radiating irritation. it definitely wasn't the most professional manner he'd ever had.

"Mustache rides? Earth cops have people sit on their faces? You have to be playing a joke on me or something, because that's just… insane."

"Kamila! Tanri! What the hell? Agent Cavallius came here to help us being safer and you're annoying him for fun?" Michelle snapped. "Get out! We'll talk about this another time!"

The two kids let go of Dante, but kept a half smile
"Sorry Michelle", said Kamila, obviously not meaning it.
"Yeah sorry, we just thought that he's very cool", continued Tanri.
"We'll be out of your hair, see you!" concluded the young asari.

With that they waved everyone goodbye and left LTD, giggling.

"Strange", mused Michelle, "they're not like this usually. Agent Cavallius I-"
Unfortunately the conversation was already becoming heated between Alex and Dante...

"You again?" He said.
"What the fuck did I do? I just asked a bunch of questions!"
Alex turned to Snow. Who was insulting him somewhat.
"And you! I get it, your some kind of whiny gangster "Badass" that believes that being an arsehole is cool and mysterious, rather then just plain annoying."
Godammit. Next thing that would happen, a whiny quarian would walk in and declare that Alex ahd insulted their entire race.

"You got it all wrong Officer, Snowman is a reputable citizen now, paying his debt to society that he wronged on a regular basis. I'm the alleged 'gangster' badass", Randall Erskine chuckled, walking back into main room, still smiling but his hazel eyes going cold as he approached Snow and Cavallius. The kenyan cop's outburst getting Snow's attention as he walked towards Alex, meeting the cop's stare before replying, "look Officer, I don't know where you get these ideas of me being a 'mysterious gangster badass', but those are your ideas. I'm just a man doing a job, and if you don't like that, it's your problem, not mine." The ex-salvager's voice a soft rasp as he closed the distance between himself and Alex, Randall had decided to get acquainted with Cavallius, sidling up to the turian cop, smiling goodnaturedly at him before whispering,

"Just make sure to check your pockets Officer, you can be nice to these here rats. Just don't trust them, not immediately at least."

Dante felt a slight twinge of guilt for losing his temper and shouting at the two kids, but he was too distracted to really apologize. "Okay, what is up with those two? I hope that means they're a little better than that normally."

"And I thought I was being pretty straightforward how I was answering them!" he shouted to Alex. "I'm just trying to follow regulations all right, so nothing gets messed up or complicated during the process! You can't blame me for trying to do my job!"

He watched Randall closely, frowning. "Er... thanks for that. I'll keep it in mind." He subtly shifted his weight to check if anything was missing, but everything seemed okay to him.

After what felt like a eternity of awkward silence, Alex decided to lighten the mood.
"You know, I once had to work with kids. We were going into schools in the countryside explaining the dangers of drugs. You know, normal cop stuff. All normal Nark kind of lessons. Until a kid came up to be and said "My daddy calls that his paycheck." In reference to the small quantity of fake red sand I was carrying. So, After that, I asked the teacher who his dad was. Came round his house and lo and behold, quite the stokpile of Red sand sat right in the living room. Man, that kid was so sad when we pulled his dad out of his house. He actually said "I'm going to avenge you father."."
Alex took a breath.
"Course, I learnt about a year ago both the father and the kid were killed during the Reaper war. But hey, Kids say the stupidist things."

If the silence was pretty awkward before Alex's anecdote, it was heavy as lead afterward. Everyone seemed stunned at how he could spout such a story at that moment. Michelle had her mouth agape, stupefied. She was also exhausted and burning hot. Only the keeper kept rearranging stuff, blissfully unaware of what was going on.
With a croaking voice Michelle tried to speak.
"Alex, did you just try to ease up the tension with a dead kid story? I mean... You..."
She couldn't even express it. The whole day has been a catastrophe and this was the cherry on top.
So she did the only thing she could think off.
She let go and burst out in laughter.
She laughed at how crazy the current situation was, at Alex's good intentions and ineptitude, at the broken heat, at the invading keeper, at the obnoxious landlord, at the cops and gangers all in her office... She laughed like a crazy person, because when a day is such an absurd mess, that's the only thing left to do...

"Apparently the same can be said for kenyan pigs", hissing at Alex, Snow could not believe the sack on this dim bulb. This rock, this thing walking as if human decided that it was funny to tell a story about how he ruined a grade schooler's life...unfuckingbelievable. The ex-salvager going cold as he pinned Alex with his dead, grey eyes. Randall chuckled momentarily before stepping between Snow and Alex, waiting for Miss Whiskers to stop laughing. The Co-op rep fixing the room with a genial smile before beginning.

"An amusing story Officer, now why don't I believe a word of it? Wait, I'll tell you, it's because even a grade schooler wouldn't be dumb enough to fess up to felony like that. Not without pressure. Now the best stories, are stranger than fiction, like an fleet of sentient space lobsters curb-stomping the galaxy for one. Or if you want to go smaller, the First Contact War, or as the Turians say, Tuesday." Randall chuckled at the little joke, giving Dante a wry grin before turning to Snow, the enforcer's gaze betraying a hint of malice before continuing, "but how about I tell y'all a true crime story, one involving the Snowman, I'm sure the lovely director would love to hear tales of misspent youth."

"No fuckin' need Randall, I told Miss Rondor about the Dekum St. Crew," the thuggish charity worker whispered, turn to his former gang brother, the two men staring at each other, ignoring everyone else for the moment. "Let me guess Snow, you told her you just ran data and did a few break ins. Rather modest, and dull, you left out all of the nuance and flavor. But don't you worry Snowman, I'll tell these good people a good story, I'll tell them how you stole an asari matron's aircar, and crashed it into the Willamette." The enforcer pouring himself another water, smiling at his eclectic audience.

Michelle was calm by now, But she was still smiling, looking both tired and happy. A little stoned perhaps. She patiently listened to Randall, and when he stopped to see her reaction, she answered simply.

"I couldn't care less about the past of Mister Snow. I care about what he's doing now. And Randall you're not half as cool and happening as you think you are. Your business is concluded here so how about you get the fuck out off my property?"

She took a sip of water, still smiling gently.

"Now that's just rude ma'am, but as you say I'll 'get the fuck out'. Just as soon as I finish regaling these lawmen with a humorous antcedote." Randall Erskine was still grinning, but the malice was more evident as he leaned against the wall. "Shut your fuckin' mouth Randall, it's ancient history." Snow's voice level as he moved to where the fluffy charity worker was standing, his grey eyes resuming the thousand yard stare. "Uh-uh Snowman, the kenyan wonderboy opened this door, now we'll walk through it." The protests of Miss Whiskers and Julian Snow had zero effect on the enforcer as he began to tell his 'story'.

"It started around six years ago, Portland was attempting urban renewal, campaign finance laws were reworked, and as a result, big alien money was coming into the great Northwest, and with it, big alien crime. Shit, we had illegal alien enterprises before, a salarian spy ring here, an asari drug muleing operation there, but with the shit I mentioned before, some of these fuckin' off-worlders decided it'd be fun to mess with Portland politics. Well, the Terra Firma crowd did not take too kindly to that, and being the upstanding 'law and order' bunch that they are. They decided to subcontract out to the Dekum St. Crew, along with other gangs. The premise was brilliant, we gangbangers stir things up right before the elections, in return they'd turn a blind eye to our 'housecleaning'. Snowman's part in all of this, he snuck into some joint human/asari rally, stole the top asari bitch's aircar, then led the cops and security on a chase that ended with a black Elkoss Combine luxury sedan going into the drink, Snowman at fifteen years of age being charged with everything except murder, Randall smiling evilly at everyone before finishing, "and me and the other gangers wiping out three asari drug labs. I hear they're still fishing blueback smiler bodyparts out of the Willamette. Thanks for the water ma'am, be seeing you Snowman," a malicious chuckle escaping Randall Erskine's lips as he quietly departed.

"Sorry about that boss", a soft, slightly pained whisper escaping the ex-salvager's lips. This day was a bitch for all involved, and Randall being the gangbanger asshole he is, decided to make it worse.

Kayana leaned against the doorframe, holding her empty glass. She waited until the man had left. "Wow, these stories are totally acceptable for people he just met."

She raised her glass. "At a children's charity! You have some serious physical security problems, don't you?"

Did he seriously tell some joke about a dead kid and his dad? That joke hit too close to home, brought back too many recent memories of his own broken family, and Dante was nearly shaking in anger. "Wait, do you actually think that was funny? Joking about dead kids while you're in a charity for them?" he asked coldly. He couldn't believe the man standing in front of him, having either the nerve or terrible sense to say something like that. If he had to work with this guy for much longer in the future, he'd definitely start to lose some of his sanity.

He listened to Randall's story, all the while glaring at him. When he left, he let out the breath he hadn't noticed he'd been holding. "… Can't say I'm sad to see him go." First the story about the kid, now one about the charity worker… Those two probably had the worst lack of tact he'd ever seen. Add in the Michelle who sounded like she'd had a minor breakdown, and he couldn't be more overwhelmed by the whole situation.

...Well that went well

It was hot enough that the drell had shed her jacket. Not hot enough that the desert species was complaining. In fact, she found it rather pleasant.

This unproductive little clump, not so much.

"Seriously, dudes, isn't there work you can do? I need the cop and I need management."

Michelle rolled her yes and waited patiently while Randall was playing the bad boys and the revelations, and when he was done she just accompanied his exit with a "That's great Randy, keep walking."

When he was well gone she just exchanged a look with Snow, something like "we're cool, we'll talk later".

She then came to sit in front of Capice.

"Kayana I'm sorry for all that mess. Also I'm sorry I ignored you earlier, I didn't want to talk about it in front of that jerk... You said you were attacked outside?"

"It's okay."

She stepped back into the office, waiting until they were inside.

"As I was walking down the alleyway I got jumped by two turians. They thought I was a client, which means they're jumping your clients. You need a guard who will walk a patrol." She shrugged. "They were just thugs. No like, actual skill, so probably no boot. I'm bad with turian faces but they didn't seem that old." Something on the computer terminal beeped, and Kayana moved to attend to it.

The drell's comments caught Dante's attention, and he focused on what she was saying. "You got attacked? Can you describe what they looked like, markings, what they were wearing…?" It wasn't a very good area, but she'd said that they were specifically going after charity visitors, which meant trouble.

Kayana's comments brought him back to his initial reason for being down at the charity, and he turned to Michelle and gave her a curious look. "How often has this been happening, anyway?"