The Official CDN Guestbook (New Players, Click Here)

So, congratulations. You found Cerberus Daily News, and in doing so have inextricably bound yourself into the surveillance protocols we've built in the past year. Hope you weren’t hiding anything like, say, a text file with all your passwords, a couple of bank accounts, or even a few petabytes of porn – though if you have, CDN thanks you for your wonderful contribution.

Anyway, since we can read your lives like an open book, you might as well flavor it – so go introduce yourselves. Tell us just how badass a merc or unbeatable biotic you are. Let us know just how bad our code is and how you could hack it in a second. Go ahead and try, too. We’ll even give you a free shot, before knocking you on your ass.

Tell the frothing masses who you are. Don’t forget to sign your name at the bottom.

What it is, companjeros.

You know just this morning I was in the midst of a most flaccid day off, reading the funnies and sipping a most premium coffee blend, and my self said to me, it said, "Eightball, Eightball, you should demonstrate the use of the guestbook for your sonideros at Cerberus. For it is a universe-fact that many batarians died in tragic whining accidents to bring it to us."

And I said to myself:

Self

that is a most premium idea.

And so I have made a most rigid sojourn to the guestbook thread in order to show off the usings thereof. It is most flaccid to use, you will not have to lift a finger except to type. Unless you are using talkwriting VIs, in which case your fingers will remain unlifted.

Friends, I will show you an example: My name is JOHN SACKPRESIDENT and I am a MEGA HOLOVID SUPERSTAR, but you may dub me EIGHTBALL because that is often how I dub myself as well. I am 50% owner of the most bitchingly righteous nightclub in all of the blue vajin regime, Nos Astra, and furthermore I walk the earth performing consultations for my friends at the dwickcasting syndicate.

In my spare time I muchly favor long beach-walks, rocking out with my band Masticating Box, dusting up hell of mad, and the disco dancing.

VENCEREMOS

Ok, let's lead by example.

Hi everyone, my name is Michelle Rondor, I'm a human recently arrived on the Citadel, and I've started a charity called Leaving The Ducts, aimed to help the duct rats of the Citadel (currently mostly Taseyri) transition from homelessness to the life they want.

GO TO THE PERIWINKLE PARADISE TODAY

Expe... User [Silel] you are hereby informed that promotional messages or <spam> are grounds for banning on Cerberus Daily News.

You have been warned.

rir

WATCH...OR WE'LL KEEL YOUR FAMILY

Alright then.

Hello everyone. My name is Julia Lombardi, I am human and I live on a colony out in the terminus systems. I've never been off-world, but I've always wanted to see the Citadel.

We are a geth platform. That is fully versed in the extranet practice of insane troll logic, or troll physics.

Welcome to CDN Lia! Do you want to tell us more about yourself? What job do you do, what are you looking for in CDN..?

Thank you for the welcome. I don't really have a job at the moment. I'd like to study engineering, but there aren't any good tech schools on my homeworld, and my family isn't in any position for me to leave right now. As for CDN, I'd like the chance to interact with others and hear news from around the galaxy despite being stuck at home.

Hi Lia, and another welcome to CDN.
I hope you can expand your information on the galaxy here and some day you can realize that dream of becoming an engineer. Maybe a trip to the citadel is possible some time, I haven't seen it myself since the relocation.
What are you doing currently, helping out your family?

Hey. I'm a krogan. I like to crush skulls. Do you have anyone whose skull you want to crush? I need to crush a skull.

Nice to meet you, Taleeze.
Right now I suppose I'm trying to help my parents recover from the war. We've started getting back on our feet, but... My sister didn't make it through the war. And I don't think my family is going to recover from that anytime soon, so I have to stay. I thank you for your support in my goals, though.

Welcome, single minded friend! Where are you from? Are you trying to express that you're looking for mercenary work?

I'm not entirely single-minded. It's just a hobby.

And yes, I am looking for mercenary work. I'm on the citadel.

Lia, I'm sorry to hear that. Support of the familiy in such times is an honerable thing.

Mr. Krogan, welcome here.
There are indeed offers for that line of work around here from time to time.

Any other hobbies? Femur breaking? Ribcage tearing?